Big Dividends

a nervous passenger decided to purchase flight insurance at the ticket counter. she had some time before the flights departure, so she stopped in a chinese restaurant in the concourse. she started to shake as she read her fortune cookie: “today’s investment will pay big dividends!”

The Big Crush

it is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road. they collide and a fair amount of damage is done, miraculously neither driver is hurt.

they both get out. one is a doctor, one is a lawyer. the lawyer calls the police on his cell phone and they say they will be there within 20 minutes.

it’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. the lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who then puts it away.

“aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor says.

“after the police get here.” replies the lawyer

Adms Rib

adam was walking around the garden of eden feeling very lonely, so god asked adam, “what is wrong with you?”

adam said, “lord, i don’t have anyone to talk to.”

god said, “then i will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. she will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love’ and compassion whenever needed. she will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. she will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…”

adam asked god, “what will this woman cost?”

god said, “an arm and a leg…”

adam said, “what can i get for just a rib?”

Love Letter

if a boy gives a love letter to a girl, people call him loafer but if a gal gives a letter 2a boy, they call it offer. feel the difference

Bajaj Scooter

nasa was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. the scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine. however, on the day of the launch, something seemed to be wrong. the rocket made all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. the engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.

finally, manjit, a sardar offered to help. the nasa scientists were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything.

'tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right,' said manjit in a serious voice. the engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.

'bring it back to vertical position, the manjit added. the engineers did.

'now start the engines,' instructed manjit. the rocket took off and flew into space. everybody thanked and congratulated manjit and asked him how he knew what to do.

he replied, 'it is very simple. this is what we always do with our bajaj scooters in india.'